I will walk under your name

It takes a wound the size of life for one to understand my pain. It has been too many years since you hold me, since you heard me, since you knew me. An you were, are and will always be the only ones that truly know me, truly love me and made me full. The World was grey and has become darker, colder a loneliness in shades of false lights. Life is bitter with touches of sweet that only make me fall again and again in a miss belief of  love and honer, loyalty and dedication.

You call me out just before my sleep. To face the great unknown, to fear nothing, and I will live on your name, I will walk under your name, I will breath under your image. My soul will stay forever under your embrace as I am yours and you will forever be mine.  And when feet may fail me I will call upon your names, I will keep my eyes above the horizon, my heart will feed on your memories on your light. 

Please never allow your spirits to leave me as they take me under water to feel the silence, above the skies to feel the freedom and they make me remember that all that was can always support my faith when I am lost, as my love for you is without borders

Take me deep within the beats of our blood, the sounds of past words, the smiles of memories and the embrace of your being.  Let me cry as I am dead already, waiting only to feel something and maybe someday I can come back to be myself.

Until then I will live under your name, smile under your memories as I am yours and your memories will be forever mine until the day we meet again. For now I will continue to be, I will continue to swim in this ocean with no stars, no boat, no horizon to guide, but a will to live and a strength to survive the night until the dawn.

Insana dor....que sacia...

Pelo agir se reconhece um louco, mas é pelo olhar e pelo movimento que se admite um insano.  É naqueles seugundos antes da explosão do que mais interno temos que sentimos a mais humana das dores a emergir bem de dentro de nós. Não parte do coração ou do estomago, parte de dentro do mais negro e mais escondido, mas também do mais genuino amor que foi estilhaçado e como que numa metamorfose convertido no mais negro dos ódios embebido numa raiva que nos remete à loucura e nos retira da razão.
    Uma bomba à espera de explodir, uma besta adormecida mas que não pára de rugir. É como que uma arma carregada sob um campo de lama só à espera de ser pegue e gritando para ser disparada.  Podemos ter tudo e não temos nada, estamos num campo de flores com espinhos bem proximos mas que não nos tocam...pelo menos para já... e lá vamos caminhando, talvez vivendo com o nosso reflexo a sorrir-nos sádicamente  pois sabe que bem lá no fundo estamos condenados, condenados a ser arrastados para dentro dessa imagem.
     E num dia de cão, numa semana terrivel e num mês para esquecer... somos arrastados para uma noite de terror... para o degrau que nos faz cair outra vez.... vemos o chão de perto que sempre ignorámos, levantamos o pó com o nosso respirar cansado de apenas segundos de dor que volta em massa...tambores de um excercito de sombras que pensávamos derrotado mas que agora marcha sobre um horizonte onde o Sol já não brilha...
     Estamos de volta à lama, à arma, ao animal ferido, ao rugido, ao inumano, ao terror e ao animalesco. Os tambores aproximam-se e o nosso sangue começa finalmente a ferver pois sabe que tem de nos acordar...tem de nos fazer defender do pior, do poço, do fim do nosso Mundo. E então o negro torna-se ainda mais escuro, o olhar mais perdido, o sorriso mais sadico e o corpo mais rígido...morremos outra vez para o Mundo, a porta fecha-se levando consigo o resquicio de ar e a ultima vela apaga-se...
     Somos maldicoados a ser bemvindos ao nosso pior  reflexo...a noite será longa...os monstros do monstro que contivémos estão aqui...o pó já saiu...agora só temos o chão sujo, um olhar de choro de sofrimento e desespero e o dobrar de dedos de mãos que se preparam para nos levantar... desarqueamos as costas enquanto nos levantamos, o grito mais primário mais grotesco e mais animalesco vai saindo de dentro enquanto as lágrimas escorrem os punhos se serram e o resto da nossa humanidade se esvai....

Bem vindo ao pior de ti...à insanidade

Quote of the Soul

It is in a man's darkest moments that you can see the size of his family honor.

For AR to AR My Eternal Blood and Life

"In my dreams I hear again the sound of shields being laid to rest , the rattle of men, the strange smell of fog, for the night will cover what the morning battlefield ahead" Fartar Mebanl

learning to walk again

I felt and laid down on the grown breathing fast and superficially, the dust would move with the breath, and my eyes were everything that showed I still had a life in me.
Then a storm came and with it the rain that spieled the biggest part of the blood, got me frozen but craving for life. She took my hand and stood next to me while I was being transported from the ground to a new home. There I still was attacked by fevers and nightmares... But know...Today I stood up my myself and I'm getting ready to go to the door...There's no blood like ours...   

every pain I feel, every beat I've got

Apologies my mother, for the days of joy, life has taken us from touch. The cold floor keeps pulling me from the path I choose to follow, but I will cripple but not fall, I may crawl to rise again. Because the hounds of death and the horns of terror keep wondering at the thin walls of my still weakened castle.

Apologies my father for as I have failed, I should have proven worth long before the dark days...but worry not for as I shall not linger to see the city of darkness sweep life from me, and I shall recall every moment of my days in the sun to see darkness apart.

Just keep enlightening me in the dark days and cold nights, and collect my tears as they are all yours.

I will walk trought the the path of honor until the day your name is prolonged in history, for as that is now my purpose and that of recall every moment of our days in the sun, far far far away from the world my body lives now but still breaths away...


Semper Fi

I got the message

In a simple night, of awaken eyes...I saw what i didn't in years... That there was a message behind the death, and that you just can't kill what's already dead, and you can awake the one that pretends to sleep. I will bow to no one, fear no evil, share of no faith but yours. Your deaths showed me that I am the blood, the sight, the strenght and I shall fight. There will be no darkness in death, but light of your souls. There will be no pain in the wounds, just souls...

With this I say, that forever as I may, be the one you wish, the one you dreamed, the one to accomplish , the one who did.

As forever fidelis to my one true blood


your son