Estes sao e serão os dias da eterna escuridão e dor

Alguns de nós somos obrigados pelo Destino a entrar numa Guerra que não procurámos, num Mundo que nunca quisémos...como que se de uma obra macábra se tratasse... Mas somos... e vamos...e depois...depois vem o sangue, a dor...e a recuperação apenas para que possamos sofrer eternamente até ao ultimo suspiro de sangue...
A mente bloqueia-me a maior parte do tempo o sangue que insiste em sair, o meu anjo vai-me segurando nos ataques de panico, mas há alturas em que as escrituras falam mais alto, há alturas em que o sangue ferve, o peito rebenta, as veias saltam, os olhos gritam,e a furia, a dor, a mentira, o odio, a loucura, a saudade, a vontade, o amor, a memória, a ternura, a raiva, tudo se forma numa intensa bola de lava que enviamos ao Mundo e em todas as direcções... são so dias de lâmina nos pulsos..são os dias que queremos esquecer, são os dias que vêm sempre... e não vão...

3 anos... e é como se tudo o que se passou até hoje só servisse para me tentar convencer que vocês o sentem....


Aguentei mais uma dose de apunhaladas e de espancamento... já me vou habituando a elas... mas no fundo... apenas trazem ao de cima o pior que há em mim...

o anjo está longe... não sabe.. apenas me vê uma ou outra vez... mas não sofre porque nao a deixo sofrer....

Amo-vos semper fi,Primus Inter Pares

o vosso orgulhoso Sangue

The lonlyness in pain

To bear an unknown enemy is like fighting a ghost...if you can see where and what is it your afraid of what it may do...rest and wait are the worst, only weapons you have...the other option is to grag a knife and attack the thin air as a raving lunatic and scream...
unfortunatly that's what i've been doing....

Pain..Hope...Fight

They say that a man who isn't afraid of death is a man without hope. I say a man who is afraid of death is a man with a purpose in is life. Small fisicaly yet huge mentally this pain keeps reminding me that I'm human, and I keep reminding it that i will fight and that i still have a lot to do...my elders gathered in the evening fights so that i know that I'm not alone. In the morning the battle restarts....but I know the enemy is weakening...so I'll keep fighting because I have a purpose...

Warriors of the Past, fears of yesterday, dreams of the ancient, blood of the Elders

I walk...I think...I remake...I survive...in the review of my life's achievements.I just arrived from the other side of the ocean, where I saw a picture of you...thousands and thousands of miles away from our home... I saw someone that shared the same blood, the same ideas the same veins that we do, and I realize that that's life... that's our legacy, to overcome time and pain with children, culture, family values and history, to face our greatest pain by surviving, to accept life as it is and not as it should be.
So I continue to walk but now faster, and my breathing starts to accelerate as I recall my old life in a fast flashback, seeing you, seeing us and seeing my always/new family... and trying to understand some meaning in this meaningless fill of emotions and feelings...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh forget it now... fight it inside or I'll go crazy... I start to run and smiling...an insane smile...and my blood starts to be pumped all over my body...I'm in the wrong part of the country..but my northen heart starts to cry out my culture, my origins,...celtic, danish, viking, roman, asturian, warrior, "nortenho" as they call it...it brings me pain as strenght again, and speed to my running... I run, I run, I run... by the lake towards nowhere, towards everywhere... I run until I got no more strenght to run...
So I cry, I scream into the lake as I kneel.... tired but relieved...I look into the skies and into the unseeing Gods... and I get back on my feet, grab on to my family, my blood and my roots and I go into my home, into my bath...to recover again of yet another bleeding of pain...feeling of loss...believing tomorrow someone will do the same for me...

Macedo yeasterday, today, tomorrow... forever...